When Titans Collide: Imagining the Largest Black Hole Merger in the Universe

In November 2023, scientists detected GW231123—a record-breaking black hole merger that defied expectations and reignited cosmic curiosity. But what if we imagined something even more extreme? This editorial explores a hypothetical collision between TON 618 and IC 1101, the universe’s largest known black holes. The result: gravitational waves that could reshape spacetime itself, and a “hypermassive singularity” that challenges the very definition of a black hole.

The Oldest Black Hole in the Universe: A Cosmic Senior Citizen

In a universe where age is just a number (unless you're a black hole), Grandpa Void has emerged as the oldest-known cosmic entity—grumbling at galaxies, devouring matter, and committing fashion crimes in galaxy-print spandex. With Dr. Imaginarius launching a candle Kickstarter and issuing a stern style intervention, this parody dives into the gravitational drama of a celestial senior citizen who refuses to act his age.

The 36-Mile-Long Cigar-Shaped Starship: A Pipe Dream for the Ages

In a groundbreaking announcement that has left the world chuckling, scientists have unveiled plans for a 36-mile-long cigar-shaped starship. Dubbed The Galactic Stogie, it promises zero-gravity jacuzzis, a space casino, and a propulsion system powered by wishful thinking. Will it fly? Probably not. But it’s a great way to get people to invest in their Kickstarter—and a better way to appreciate the phrase “pipe dream.”