Local Squirrels Launch Campaign for Nut-Based Universal Basic Income

In an unexpected twist in the ongoing debate over universal basic income, a group of local squirrels in Maplewood Park has banded together to demand their rights to a nut-based financial support system. Dubbed the ‘Squirrel Union for Nut Equity’ (SUNe), this coalition is making headlines with their bold manifesto, titled “Nuts for Everyone: A Squirrel’s Right to Thrive.”

Following an initial town hall meeting where attendees were treated to an all-you-can-eat acorn buffet, the squirrels outlined their demands, insisting that every squirrel should receive a monthly stipend of at least 50 acorns, regardless of their foraging prowess. “It’s not just a matter of survival; it’s about dignity,” proclaimed one enthusiastic squirrel, who quickly scurried off to bury his acorn stash in a nearby tree.

Their campaign has been met with mixed reactions from the human population, with some residents expressing support and others questioning the feasibility of a nut-based economy. Local economist Dr. Nutty McNutsface weighed in, stating, “While the idea is certainly creative, one must consider the volatility of the acorn market. What if there’s a bad harvest?”

In response, SUNe has launched a series of educational seminars aimed at humans, featuring engaging presentations titled “The Economics of Squirrelhood” and “How to Invest Wisely in Acorns.” These have reportedly been attended by dozens of curious onlookers and a few bewildered dogs.

Critics have also pointed to the potential for fraud within the squirrel community. Reports of a “nut black market” have surfaced, with certain squirrels allegedly hoarding acorns and trading them for items like shiny trinkets and stolen birdseed. In a shocking expose, it was revealed that one particularly resourceful squirrel had even started a side hustle as a nut broker, offering exclusive deals on premium acorns.

As the campaign gains momentum, SUNe is planning a major rally next week, where they hope to gather support from both squirrels and sympathetic humans. The slogan for the event is expected to be, “Join Us in Our Quest for Nut Equality!” Meanwhile, local authorities are preparing for potential disruptions, having already received reports of squirrels staging sit-ins at popular parks.

Whether or not the squirrels will succeed in their ambitious goal remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: the acorn economy is about to get a lot more interesting. As one attending squirrel quipped, “If we can organize for nuts, who knows what else we can achieve? Maybe world peace?”