Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
In an astonishing twist of culinary physics, a group of scientists at the Institute of Absurd Innovations has unveiled the world’s first ‘Time-Traveling Toaster.’ Designed for breakfast enthusiasts who can’t bear the thought of waiting for their toast to pop, this extraordinary appliance claims to transport your bread back to the exact moment it was harvested from its grainy origins.
“Imagine biting into a slice of toast that’s not only perfectly golden brown but also infused with the essence of a sun-drenched wheat field from 1987,” said lead scientist Dr. Bready Crumb. “It’s the ultimate breakfast experience!” The toaster, equipped with a complex array of dials, knobs, and what appears to be an old flux capacitor, allows users to select the desired year and even the exact moment of grain harvesting.
Early tests of the toaster have produced mixed results. Some users report blissful breakfasts, while others have found themselves gnawing on slices of toast that inexplicably taste like the 90s sitcoms they binged as children. “I tried toasting a bagel from 1995, and I swear it tasted like my grandma’s house,” shared one enthusiastic tester. “It was both nostalgic and slightly stale!”
The toaster also boasts a feature allowing users to reverse the effects of burnt toast. With just a flick of a lever, users can rewind their breakfast blunders and enjoy perfectly toasted bread from yesterday. However, some skeptics worry about the potential consequences of altering the timeline. “What if you eat toast from the future and accidentally cause a paradox?” pondered local philosopher and toast aficionado, Phil O’Phrasty.
Despite these concerns, interest in the Time-Traveling Toaster has skyrocketed. Pre-orders have already sold out, and the waitlist has reached an astounding 200,000 people, many of whom are eager to impress their friends with breakfast from the days of yore. “I just want to recreate my dad’s famous 1980s avocado toast recipe,” said one hopeful customer. “There’s nothing like a buttery slice of nostalgia to kickstart your morning!”
As the team at the Institute of Absurd Innovations prepares for mass production, they are also looking into other time-bending kitchen appliances. Rumors of a ‘Dimensional Dishwasher’ that cleans dishes from alternate realities are making waves, but for now, all eyes are on the Time-Traveling Toaster-set to revolutionize breakfast forever.
