Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
In a small town nestled between the cornfields and the river, local inventor Bob ‘Toastmaster’ McCrumpet has caused quite a stir with his latest creation: a time-traveling toaster. According to McCrumpet, this revolutionary appliance not only toasts bread to perfection but also allows users to enjoy their slices with a historical twist.
“Imagine biting into a slice of perfectly golden toast made from wheat harvested in ancient Egypt!” McCrumpet exclaimed during his press conference, which was attended by a handful of curious neighbors and a very confused cat. “Or perhaps you’d prefer a bagel toasted in the year 3023, right before the Great Bagel Apocalypse!”
Critics have raised eyebrows, questioning the logistics of time travel and the potential consequences of changing the past through toast. One local skeptic, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, “If we start altering the past with breakfast foods, who knows what could happen? Next thing you know, we’ll have butterfingers in the Renaissance!”
Despite the skepticism, McCrumpet has offered free samples of his time-traveling toast at the town square. “It’s just a taste of history!” he declared, while handing out slices of bread that he claims were toasted in the year 2020-specifically during brunch hour.
To further his case, McCrumpet has enlisted the help of an enthusiastic group of local historians. They have been tasked with creating a registry of historical toppings to pair with each unique slice of toast. Options reportedly include everything from ancient Roman olive oil to a futuristic spread made from the elusive purple fruit of Planet Zog.
As word spreads, demand for the time-traveling toaster has skyrocketed. Local bakeries are already crafting their own versions, including a ‘Chrono Croissant’ and a ‘Temporal Tart.’ Meanwhile, the local authorities have issued a statement urging residents to refrain from using the toaster during important historical events, such as the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
For now, McCrumpet remains adamant about his invention. “Time travel is about to become the next big thing, and I’m here to make breakfast history!” he announced, before accidentally toasting his own hand while demonstrating his creation. The incident was promptly resolved with a slice of butter and a promise of free bread for everyone in attendance.
