Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
In a bold move that has left many scratching their heads, local resident Sarah Jenkins has announced the inaugural ‘Procrastination Parade,’ set to take place in the heart of downtown next Saturday. Jenkins, known for her ability to leave everything until the eleventh hour, has decided it’s time to celebrate the art of procrastination rather than condemn it.
“Why should we feel guilty about putting things off?” Jenkins exclaimed in an exclusive interview. “Procrastination is an art form! Think of all the great minds who did their best work at the last minute-like that famous painter who didn’t start his mural until the night before the unveiling!” She declined to name the painter, citing a lack of research, but insisted that the point stands.
The parade will feature a series of floats constructed from unfinished projects, such as a half-built treehouse and an abandoned knitting project that has gone from scarf to abstract art piece. Participants are encouraged to dress as their favorite procrastination archetype, with categories including ‘Last-Minute Studier,’ ‘Overthinker,’ and ‘Netflix Binge-Watcher.’
Event organizers are promising a variety of activities, including a ‘Best Excuse’ contest, where attendees can share their most creative reasons for delaying tasks. The winner will receive a year’s supply of sticky notes, perfect for jotting down tasks they will inevitably forget. There will also be a marathon of motivational speeches that start strong but inevitably veer off-topic, leading to a discussion about favorite pizza toppings instead.
Critics have already begun to voice their opinions, with some claiming that the parade sends the wrong message about responsibility and productivity. Jenkins, however, is unfazed. “If we can’t laugh at our own shortcomings, what’s the point? Plus, it beats sitting at home doing chores!”
The parade is set to kick off at 2 PM, just in time for the typical Saturday afternoon nap that many procrastinators will be taking. Attendees are advised to arrive late for optimal procrastination effect, and organizers will be handing out free coffee to help fuel last-minute decisions on whether to attend at all.
In a world that often shames procrastination, Jenkins hopes this event will encourage a new perspective: that it’s okay to live in the moment-even if that moment means waiting until the last possible second to get things done. After all, who needs a to-do list when you can have a parade?
