Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
In an unprecedented turn of events, a coalition of local squirrels has organized a campaign for Nut-Based Universal Basic Income (NUBI), claiming that the current distribution of nuts is grossly inequitable. The furry activists, adorned in tiny protest gear, gathered in the town square, holding signs that read, “Nuts for All!” and “Stop the Nut Hoarding!” Each protester urged local residents to consider the plight of squirrels living in the shadows of oak trees.
The campaign was sparked by the recent discovery of a hidden stash of acorns belonging to a particularly greedy squirrel named Chester, who has been accused of monopolizing the community’s nut supply. Chester, who has since gone underground (literally and figuratively), is believed to have hoarded over 100 acorns in his secret lair, leaving his fellow squirrels struggling to find food.
Proponents of the NUBI argue that a guaranteed supply of nuts would lead to a more equitable society where all squirrels have access to essential resources regardless of their foraging skills. “It’s about dignity,” said one squirrel activist, nibbling on an acorn. “We deserve a fair shot at a full belly, not just the scraps left behind by the more industrious among us.”
As part of their campaign, the squirrels have teamed up with local animal rights groups, who are calling for a re-evaluation of the city’s wildlife policies. “It’s time we listen to the voices of the voiceless,” said a representative from the group, who requested anonymity for fear of being chased by aggressive chipmunks. “If we can give our squirrels a basic income, we can build a stronger community.”
In response, the city council is reportedly considering a proposal for a Nut Redistribution Program, which would involve collecting surplus nuts from residents and distributing them to needy squirrels. “We never thought we’d be discussing squirrel economics at a city council meeting,” said Mayor Thompson. “But if we can resolve this nut crisis peacefully, it may just be worth our time.”
As the debate continues, residents are left wondering whether local squirrels will become the first rodent demographic to achieve financial stability. Meanwhile, Chester remains elusive, rumored to be plotting his next move in the great nut heist of 2023.
