Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
In a shocking development that has left both pet owners and tech enthusiasts scratching their heads, a coalition of local goldfish has officially announced their campaign for aquatic rights, with the primary demand being access to high-speed Wi-Fi in their tanks. “Why should dogs and cats have all the fun online?” questioned Gillbert, the spokesperson for the newly formed Goldfish Liberation Front (GLF). “We want to stream our favorite shows, post selfies, and even start our own TikTok channel!”
Witnesses report that the fish staged a protest in a local pet store, complete with tiny handmade signs that read “Wi-Fi or Bust!” and “Make Waves, Not Restrictions!” The protest garnered significant attention, with many onlookers baffled by the sight of fish swimming frantically in protest.
Experts are divided on the feasibility of such demands. Aquatic psychologist Dr. Aqua Fin stated, “Fish have historically been denied internet access due to their inability to type. However, with the advent of voice recognition technology, we might be able to facilitate their online presence. Imagine a goldfish influencer with millions of followers!”
The campaign has sparked a heated debate within the community. While some residents support the goldfish’s quest for connectivity, others express concern over what they describe as “fishy behavior.” Local cat owners, who are still dealing with the fallout from their own recent unionization, have voiced strong opposition. “What’s next? A clam demanding a smartphone?” fumed one disgruntled feline parent.
In response to the backlash, Gillbert has taken to social media, posting videos of himself swimming in circles and calling for solidarity among all pets. “This is not just about us. It’s about ensuring that every creature, no matter how small, has the digital rights they deserve!” he exclaimed in a live stream viewed by over 1,000 people, a record for a goldfish.
As the campaign gains momentum, local authorities have been urged to take action. A city council meeting is scheduled for next week to discuss the implications of granting Wi-Fi access to aquatic pets. “We must consider the impact on local ecosystems and the potential for fish to become influencers, which could disrupt our entire social media landscape,” stated a concerned council member.
Whether or not the goldfish will achieve their goals remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: the aquatic revolution has begun, and it’s swimming upstream!
