Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
In an extraordinary turn of events, Doug Fiddler, a self-proclaimed overthinker from Springfield, has officially launched the first-ever ‘Overthinking Olympics.’ Set to take place in his living room this Saturday, the event invites participants to engage in a variety of mentally taxing activities designed to showcase their exceptional abilities in the fine art of overthinking.
“I realized that overthinking isn’t just a pastime; it’s an Olympic sport waiting to happen,” Doug explained while staring blankly at his microwave, contemplating whether to heat his leftover pizza for 30 or 45 seconds. “We’re all doing it, so why not celebrate it?”
The competition features several unique categories, including:
- Decision Paralysis: Participants will face a series of increasingly ridiculous choices, such as whether to order pizza or sushi, with judges scoring based on the time taken to decide.
- What-If Scenarios: Competitors will present their most elaborate and anxiety-inducing what-if scenarios to a panel of expert overthinkers, who will rate them based on creativity and emotional impact.
- Procrastination Relay: Teams will compete to delay the inevitable by coming up with excuses to avoid starting a task, from ‘I need to check the weather’ to ‘I have to reorganize my sock drawer.’
As word of the event spread, local residents expressed a mix of excitement and concern. “I’m not sure if I should participate or just think about participating,” said neighbor and fellow overthinker, Janet Wells, who has already spent three days contemplating her outfit choice.
In a bid to attract a wider audience, Doug has also added a ‘Panic Room’ where attendees can engage in a communal experience of existential dread. “It’s like a safe space for our collective neuroses,” he said, proudly displaying an oversized sign that reads, ‘Welcome to the Panic Room: Please Check Your Calm at the Door.’
As preparations ramp up, Doug remains optimistic about the success of this unique event. “If all goes well, we could even take this to the international stage! Imagine a world where overthinkers unite and take home gold medals for their mental endurance!”
For those wishing to attend, tickets are available for the price of a single thought, or a small donation of snacks-because nothing fuels an overthinking session quite like a bowl of popcorn.
